http://neutroncomputersonline.com/qpezdt/ofog/u1h4h48kl2aar3vr0r.fzpojoj   
    Marci Thompson

;HtmlMsgFormat=

   
   
http://neutroncomputersonline.com/qpezdt/ofog/u1h4h48kl2aar3vr0r.fzpojoj   
    Marci Thompson

Love Metaphor

Maybe I made a mistake tethering my soul to yours so long ago. Cuz now it seems that even when I think I can move on, something keeps pulling me back. Like my heart is tangled up in yours. And no matter how I try to release it, parts of it remain behind...and it hurts.

Because here I am, on the same road again headed back to you. I should be terrified, running with my eyes closed into a forest full of trees right into your arms again, not even sure if you will be there when I land.

Pure love is the clearest. I dive into your soul and breathe in your goodness, with nothing to filter anything out. It consumes me, no glimpse of the beginning or end in sight. Perhaps I should be more scared of what might happen. But it seems that in the depths of this love I have no fears or doubts of what is to come. I am happy just to be.

Like remaining in the sun with the warmth on your face will eventually start to hurt, I wonder how long it will be before I regret not moving on. But all I know is that it feels too good to leave.

My broken heart
Is simple and true.
But it is only mine.

I wish you were too.

The next level

I've been waiting for a moment to gather my thoughts and put them here. But I've also been a little scared to come here again. The last time I wrote, a month ago....I was on the verge of saying goodbye. Goodbye to whatever silly hopes or ideas I had for us. I wasn't sure if somewhere along the road, maybe you had a change of opinion about me/us. Or maybe, I was wrong to think that your and my goals were the same at all. In any case, even though my title for my last blog was "Foggy" - I was afraid that I was seeing things clearly for the first time - and it hurt.

But whatever was happening....or NOT happening....I can only say what I THOUGHT about it, or how I FELT about it. I can't say what was going on in your mind. I don't know EXACTLY what you think or why you seem distant at times. If there are ever doubts in your mind, I wouldn't know. If there were ever something in me that you didn't like about ME, I wouldn't know. (Which is a mixed blessing, I assure you.)

I can't remember if I did a "good" job letting you know what was going on with me. But I do remember that you came to me. Instead of pushing me away or ignoring me or anything like that, you CAME to me. You loved me.

After that, all the little efforts you made were noticeable. I physically felt everything between us open up. Its like every little need I had, you gently took care of it.

I felt love for you - a new love. A more mature and powerful love. You filled me up with security and peacefulness....that later, when you got busy with work and school again, all those doubts and insecurities felt a million miles away.

I hope you are enjoying us too....and more than anything, I hope we can always have this. Forever.

In my whole life, I've never had a man take care of me. I mean emotionally. I don't think they knew how, not even my father. I had long since given up, but still something I missed.....

Till now.

Foggy

I haven't written in a long time. Not too long ago, when I thought I should, I felt that, actually, maybe I shouldn't.

Even though I still love you, the memories that bring me so much happiness are slowly making their way into the past. Just now, I went back to read what I had written on this blog and there is a mixture of emotion. I remembered how happy and in love I felt as I used my gift to express it into words. I also remembered how many times I would check my email to see if you left any comments. I remember the feeling I got when I realized you weren't going to comment. I used to think my writing made you happy. Now I don't know if you feel anything at all when you read my stuff.

I know that you know that I love your praise and your attention. But you seem unwilling or unwanting to give it. When you do reach out to hold me or tell me how much I mean to you is when I've gotten to the level of being really hurt or upset.

Lately I feel lost and in a daze. I'm afraid that I've given and given and given to the point of exhaustion and depletion. I'm embarrassed by my obvious cries for attention and people pleasing and I'm even more ashamed that they didn't work. All I've done is desensitize others to the essence of me. Now people and perhaps even you have simply gotten used to me, and I am no longer something to be cherished. I have done my job too well.

I don't know who I am anymore, who I want to be isn't working. I don't feel creative, I don't feel like a desireable woman. You wrote me something lovely and a couple of close friends noticed my lack of vitality and tried to say nice things to me but I have fallen so deep into thought I can barely understand the words.

I wish you still found me interesting, like you once did. Now a days I come in a distant second to our comfy bedroom and HD tv.

Somewhere I went wrong.

I blame myself.

Miss you.

As this little thing we have with each other grows older, there are other ways we confirm affection. It's not the dates anymore, the sexy messages, the hand holding....
It's in the little things we do in our day to day routine.

Today, my pelvis is giving me hell. I don't feel like your sexy girlfriend, I feel like an achy grandma. But I keep my smile on my face because I am happy. I'm happy with my life, my children, my friends, my boyfriend. I keep going and going, because as happy as I am, I want my family to be happy and cared for too.

As I care for you, as I iron your clothes, as I use my hands to pleasure you, it fills me more than I ever thought I could be.

And all I can hear in my heart, as I keep busy on a Sunday evening is

i love you i love you i love you

Ol Reliable

I love my Honda.

It's everything I imagined. When I first saw one, I thought to myself "that's it. That's the one. No matter what anyone says, I will have it. I don't care if I should be sensible. That's what I want, that's what I'll get".

What baby wants, baby gets.

It took time. Research. Thought. Prayer, or whatever you want to call it. But, quietly, with my eye on the prize, and my focus unwavering, I drove off the lot in my dream car. I had to stand my ground. I had to raise a little hell. It's my way. I don't hold back anymore.

Now, when I drive it, I feel good. I feel sexy sometimes. I feel secure. I take care of it, it takes care of me. Sometimes I drive a little fast. Sometimes I take my time, enjoying the ride, enjoying the day. It doesn't fuss. It lets me be. Its what I need, when I need it.

I love you like that too. My love for you is like my love for my car. Except, there isn't any warranty, and now that I think about it, one of my tires has a slow leak. But damn, that car is hot.