I had a dream that we were old, sitting behind our house, looking out at the wildflowers and grass. "Honey, can I get you anything?" I asked. You didn't answer, but put your warm, wrinkled, still softer than mine hand on mine. I noticed there weren't any sparks or desire like we had in the beginning. There was more of a quiet peacefulness and comfort between us. For a second, I let my mind wander and I imagined that I would look over and you'd be gone and I got scared. But I turned, and you were still there, holding my hand.
You saw me looking at you and you said, "remember when I got my first wrinkle?" I looked at your face, with all the little lines and crevices that come with age.....I did, I did remember. "You still love me?" you asked.
I didn't answer, just leaned over and kissed your wrinkled face.
I woke up and my eyes welled up.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
How "you" make "me".
Today was a busy day. I kept myself busy, cleaning out closets, drawers, doing endless loads of laundry, cleaning out the fridge, taking out bags of trash. In between, I listened to music, or just listened to my own scattered and fragmented thoughts. I ran across some old photographs from a few years ago. It was funny to see my old yukky hairdos and different phases of weight. Each time, I would hold one up to my sister and say "oh, how do I look different in this one?" Mostly she said I actually looked OLDER back then. I looked WEIRD. I looked STRESSED or ANGRY.
Of course I warranted it to the fact that I am now divorced and have left some of the most traumatic moments of my life in the past. But I have to tell you, that you are changing me, too.
Oh god, sometimes I tire of myself. Sometimes I try to put myself in your shoes, and try to imagine what it is like to have someone always in your face, telling you they love you, praising all your virtues. "I love you, I love you, you're the best....blah blah blah." What can I say. I'm a pain. But since this little blog is about me and you, and no matter that you are there and I am here, and we are probably, if we are to be honest, enjoying a little space, away from each other ---I just wanted to post a little something about what you do for me.
It's not in the way we make love. It's not in the things you say or don't say. It's the very fact that you exist. It's the fact that the day you were born and I was just a year and 11 months old, in you was born someone who would someday take my breath away, someone who would touch my soul and complete the puzzle of me. Everything you hate about yourself, everything that gives you confidence, everything you've done and have yet to do.....you're the man I love without knowing anything and everything all at the same time.
Its the way you come up behind me and hug me tight, without me having to vie for your attention. Its the way you hold my hand and run your fingertips underneath my fingernails. Its in the way that when you are holding me from behind and your bury your face in my hair and kiss my back. Its the way your hand wraps around my shoulder when you have your arm around me. Its the way you look when I walk in and you are busy working away on whatever. Its in the way you hold your fist underneath your chin when you sleep, making you look like you are deep in thought with your eyes closed.
I know alot about book stuff, facts, scholarly things. But in your shadow, I feel like a girl again. I can't pick apart our relationship and say "this means this, and that means that". But I hope that true love is the name for how I feel like crying when I write this and how I can feel happy and fulfilled too.
Of course I warranted it to the fact that I am now divorced and have left some of the most traumatic moments of my life in the past. But I have to tell you, that you are changing me, too.
Oh god, sometimes I tire of myself. Sometimes I try to put myself in your shoes, and try to imagine what it is like to have someone always in your face, telling you they love you, praising all your virtues. "I love you, I love you, you're the best....blah blah blah." What can I say. I'm a pain. But since this little blog is about me and you, and no matter that you are there and I am here, and we are probably, if we are to be honest, enjoying a little space, away from each other ---I just wanted to post a little something about what you do for me.
It's not in the way we make love. It's not in the things you say or don't say. It's the very fact that you exist. It's the fact that the day you were born and I was just a year and 11 months old, in you was born someone who would someday take my breath away, someone who would touch my soul and complete the puzzle of me. Everything you hate about yourself, everything that gives you confidence, everything you've done and have yet to do.....you're the man I love without knowing anything and everything all at the same time.
Its the way you come up behind me and hug me tight, without me having to vie for your attention. Its the way you hold my hand and run your fingertips underneath my fingernails. Its in the way that when you are holding me from behind and your bury your face in my hair and kiss my back. Its the way your hand wraps around my shoulder when you have your arm around me. Its the way you look when I walk in and you are busy working away on whatever. Its in the way you hold your fist underneath your chin when you sleep, making you look like you are deep in thought with your eyes closed.
I know alot about book stuff, facts, scholarly things. But in your shadow, I feel like a girl again. I can't pick apart our relationship and say "this means this, and that means that". But I hope that true love is the name for how I feel like crying when I write this and how I can feel happy and fulfilled too.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Kissing you
Our second date was on a Wednesday. Nick called me that Tuesday, to ask if I wanted to do something and I was ecstatic. He said "I've been thinking and thinking of what we can do and I can't think of anything." This simple statement was enough to melt my heart and have me walking on air the rest of the day. He was "thinking and thinking". Even now, it makes me smile. I made a joke about how we could go to church and he goes ".....are you serious?". LOL
I guess we finally decided that we would just have dinner. That day was really hectic for me. A local TV news station was coming over to interview my kids because there was a predator in the neighborhood trying to pick up young girls and long story short, they came over to talk to my kids. I had to race them home, do the interview, get the sitter over, pick up pizza for them and race my ass over to his side of town to have dinner at Chili's. Nick had asked "Sonic or Chili's?" I said "...I don't know...I guess Chili's?". He said "Sonic it is." I said "Well, I'll be at Chili's when you get done at Sonic". This makes me laugh now because I realize he was serious. He loves Sonic.
I didn't have time to do my hair so it was a wavy mess. Since the contact debacle on date #1, I now had to wear my dorky glasses. When I got there and we sat down, I said, "wow, you look really different now that I can see out of both eyes." (Kidding, of course). I said, "Aren't you going to say anything about my hair?" He said "It looks nice". I said "No, it doesn't". I had about 5 glasses of water and must have got up about 4 times to pee. I told him I was leaving my purse at the table so he couldn't leave. He's like "good luck with that". Once, when I was coming around the corner back to the table, he acted like I had just busted him trying to leave. When we had finished eating and the waiter asked us about 20 times if we needed anything else, we finally walked slowly out to the parking lot. He asked if I wanted to sit in his truck with him and talk. I think we sat in there for an hour, just talking. I think it was mostly me talking about everything because sometimes I get hyper and jump from topic to topic. I made a crack about being ADD and several months later he told me he had ADD and I felt like an A-S-S. We talked about "bad boy types" and "bad girl types" and about how long we thought that people in general should date before they had sex. I said 9-11 dates would be good and he said that could be like 3 months!
The whole time we sat in his truck I was waiting for him to kiss me somehow, or to hold my hand. We still hadn't touched. Finally, I said, "I guess I better go....". We went from his truck to my Jeep and stood outside and talked some more, each of us waiting for the inevitable kiss. If he thought I would kiss him first, he was crazy. On the other hand I was dying to feel his lip with mine. While I was leaning against the Jeep, trying to buy more time, he said "You look like a librarian." I was insulted. He said "A hot librarian." I was still insulted. LOL. A couple of weeks ago he said he had a thing for girls in glasses. I believe him now.
We were quiet for a minute and he said "Do you feel the tension?" I said "yeah, yeah I do." He goes "how much longer do I have?" I said "5...4...3...2..." He said "Wait that's too fast!" But he slowly leaned in and gave me the kiss to end all kisses. His mouth was warm and soft, not too wet, not too dry....he took his time, first kissing only my lips, then I opened mine to let his tongue in....I gently leaned in to feel his body while we kissed. When we finally came up for air, my head was reeling. I was wondering how I was going to drive home. I can't even tell you what we talked about after that. We kissed again. But his sweet hesitation with me meant more to me than the actual kiss. After the first two kisses, when we were just standing there being quiet, he leaned over and kissed my forehead. In my heart, I hoped that he had never kissed another girl on the forehead before me. I know I am a jealous freak. As I got home he texted me, "I apologize for being so forward". I was like "oh please".
The next day he texted me all day, flirtatious messages, making my stomach clench with desire for more of him. He tried to get me to come over and bring some homemade tortillas. I couldn't, I had soccer practice and laughed at his persistence. He said "Can you blame me for wanting to taste those soft lips again".
Remembering this makes my nose tingle with little tears in my eyes. I walked away from that night feeling like I would never kiss another man again. I know he was probably just thinking about getting me in bed. I don't care.
Now a days we mostly have chaste kisses, kisses goodbye or hello. The other night, he gave me a full on open mouth kiss and I thought I would melt into a puddle. Those kisses are only every once in a while but when we do share them it's as if the earth stops moving for me. It's like I can feel forever in his mouth.
I guess we finally decided that we would just have dinner. That day was really hectic for me. A local TV news station was coming over to interview my kids because there was a predator in the neighborhood trying to pick up young girls and long story short, they came over to talk to my kids. I had to race them home, do the interview, get the sitter over, pick up pizza for them and race my ass over to his side of town to have dinner at Chili's. Nick had asked "Sonic or Chili's?" I said "...I don't know...I guess Chili's?". He said "Sonic it is." I said "Well, I'll be at Chili's when you get done at Sonic". This makes me laugh now because I realize he was serious. He loves Sonic.
I didn't have time to do my hair so it was a wavy mess. Since the contact debacle on date #1, I now had to wear my dorky glasses. When I got there and we sat down, I said, "wow, you look really different now that I can see out of both eyes." (Kidding, of course). I said, "Aren't you going to say anything about my hair?" He said "It looks nice". I said "No, it doesn't". I had about 5 glasses of water and must have got up about 4 times to pee. I told him I was leaving my purse at the table so he couldn't leave. He's like "good luck with that". Once, when I was coming around the corner back to the table, he acted like I had just busted him trying to leave. When we had finished eating and the waiter asked us about 20 times if we needed anything else, we finally walked slowly out to the parking lot. He asked if I wanted to sit in his truck with him and talk. I think we sat in there for an hour, just talking. I think it was mostly me talking about everything because sometimes I get hyper and jump from topic to topic. I made a crack about being ADD and several months later he told me he had ADD and I felt like an A-S-S. We talked about "bad boy types" and "bad girl types" and about how long we thought that people in general should date before they had sex. I said 9-11 dates would be good and he said that could be like 3 months!
The whole time we sat in his truck I was waiting for him to kiss me somehow, or to hold my hand. We still hadn't touched. Finally, I said, "I guess I better go....". We went from his truck to my Jeep and stood outside and talked some more, each of us waiting for the inevitable kiss. If he thought I would kiss him first, he was crazy. On the other hand I was dying to feel his lip with mine. While I was leaning against the Jeep, trying to buy more time, he said "You look like a librarian." I was insulted. He said "A hot librarian." I was still insulted. LOL. A couple of weeks ago he said he had a thing for girls in glasses. I believe him now.
We were quiet for a minute and he said "Do you feel the tension?" I said "yeah, yeah I do." He goes "how much longer do I have?" I said "5...4...3...2..." He said "Wait that's too fast!" But he slowly leaned in and gave me the kiss to end all kisses. His mouth was warm and soft, not too wet, not too dry....he took his time, first kissing only my lips, then I opened mine to let his tongue in....I gently leaned in to feel his body while we kissed. When we finally came up for air, my head was reeling. I was wondering how I was going to drive home. I can't even tell you what we talked about after that. We kissed again. But his sweet hesitation with me meant more to me than the actual kiss. After the first two kisses, when we were just standing there being quiet, he leaned over and kissed my forehead. In my heart, I hoped that he had never kissed another girl on the forehead before me. I know I am a jealous freak. As I got home he texted me, "I apologize for being so forward". I was like "oh please".
The next day he texted me all day, flirtatious messages, making my stomach clench with desire for more of him. He tried to get me to come over and bring some homemade tortillas. I couldn't, I had soccer practice and laughed at his persistence. He said "Can you blame me for wanting to taste those soft lips again".
Remembering this makes my nose tingle with little tears in my eyes. I walked away from that night feeling like I would never kiss another man again. I know he was probably just thinking about getting me in bed. I don't care.
Now a days we mostly have chaste kisses, kisses goodbye or hello. The other night, he gave me a full on open mouth kiss and I thought I would melt into a puddle. Those kisses are only every once in a while but when we do share them it's as if the earth stops moving for me. It's like I can feel forever in his mouth.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Spellbound
Of all of our intimacies, I would have to say that laying in Nick's embrace is my favorite. (Even over sex!!) Sometimes when he rolls over to hug me (and by hug I mean Smother), he buries his face in my neck and hair and says "....witch". Nick can say anything and make it sound blase. He can take something that would otherwise make someone uncomfortable and ask or say it in a way like "pass the salt". So I don't always know when he is teasing, and I can't tell exactly what he is thinking when he says something. But this, I like to hold close to my heart. I choose to believe that he means he as enamored as I am, that he is blinded with affection for me.
I'm not a witch but I do like to use my powers of persuasion. I told Nick the other night that I never had to think of a word or phrase for it before. I've never told anyone. Never had to, I guess. I dodged the question of religion, etc, when we were dating as long as possible. I didn't want to scare him off with anything that he might think is new age-y.
Ever since I was a kid, I practiced doing and knowing things. I remember laying in bed, concentrating for hours, it seems, trying to "listen" to my mom. I tried to tune in to her. Lots of times, I could hear her before she came. After I got that down, I moved on to other people. After that, I tried to see where people were. I had a guy that I had a crush on that I concentrated on more than anyone else. Once, I asked him if he was outside at a certain point, the night before. I gave him detail (can't remember now what) and he was pretty surprised. Afterwards, it was a game. He would want to know what I "knew", I would tell him fragments and he would freak out. Sometimes it was guessing, Sometimes I had no idea what he was doing. Sometimes I just knew things. Much later, I was dating this guy and once he told me that I always seemed to call when he was jerking off. (I don't think this was easy for him to tell me, but he thought it was pretty weird) So after that, it, too became a game. He called me "Rosie" after that. For rosy palms. There are more stories that I don't care to share. No big deal. There are also some weirder stories, little things that happened to others whenever I felt mad or upset with them. Could be coincidence. Who knows. \
Anyway!
When I met Nick, I was so desperate sometimes to hear from him. He is not as social as I am, so he didn't call me near as much as I might have liked. So, sometimes, I would harness all my energy and get to thinking him into calling me or whatever. Lots of times, it worked. I would write out details of how he would call, what we would do that evening. But more often that not, he seemed resistant to me. He did what he wanted, when he wanted. Lots of times, I would wish that he would like me as much as I liked him. I probably would have done anything to get him to pay attention to me. I was tempted.
But, in the end, I decided that I only wanted him if he wanted me genuinely, not any other way. (Not that it would have worked anyway).
But, in the end, I decided that I only wanted him if he wanted me genuinely, not any other way. (Not that it would have worked anyway).
So, sometimes I just reply "If anyone is bewitched, its me". And sometimes, I just let him call me a witch and wonder if it isn't our hearts that create this magic.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Beginnings, revisited
The way we are today has alot to do with our past. No matter how much we try to deny it, no matter how different we believe we are, no matter how hard we "squash" that part of us, it still lays there, deep inside, simmering like embers at the bottom of the hearth. Never really blowing out, not causing any major damage but ready to fly around and burn a little, with the right (or wrong) breeze at the right (or wrong) time.
Imagine a relationship....starts out precariously. Not too bad, not that great. But the parties stay involved, at least for now, for lack of anything better to do. Along the way, little red flags pop up, but both parties silently agree to ignore them, time and time again. The reddish flags become irritants - things of real substance, but at that point they stay, for the times that aren't irritants.
And then a bad thing happens. Or maybe not "bad" but big enough to cause real hinderances inside you. You rationalize, you've got quite a bit invested to turn back now. To leave now would prove you as a large waster of time. You carry on, but the damage has been done. You feel differently and nothing will change that. That little irritant is a tiny thorn you swallow down, scratching its way, leaving tiny scars all the way down. So no matter how healthy and happy you appear on the outside, you have those thorns inside, twisting. Not all the time. But sometimes.
So what has happened here is a functioning "relationship" based on pain. No matter that there are happy times. No matter that sometimes good things happen. The thorns remain. And when you or they or things are at their most vulnerable and you have to hang on to each other, those thorns are there, digging and building resentment.
What happens when you construct a building on a bad foundation? Over time, the base of the building will shift or sink. You will begin to notice cracks in the walls and slopes in the floors. If it gets bad enough windows will break. Eventually even pipes will burst. Finally the building will simply fall apart.
For a while you can patch up the building, fixing things as they break. This is costly in both time and money. In short order the cost of repairs will be more than the cost of laying a good foundation in the first place.
With this in mind, why wouldn't everyone build on a good foundation? There are several reasons. Ignorance is one. They don't know how to create a proper foundation, so they just do the best they can. Or they may know better, but want to avoid the extra expense. Or they may have the know-how and the finances, but they are in a hurry to get the building up, so they decide not to “waste” too much time on the foundation. Then there are people who are just lazy, or they just don't care.
Nick, I want to thank you for sharing this good foundation with me. I've said it so many times I may come off sounding cliche - but I have never felt so free. What we have is an open honest relationship, free from judgement and full of support. Whatever we want to share with each other, we can. Whatever is too painful to share still, we will, eventually, and know that we'll be ok. I don't know what I love more about you - the fact that you listen to me when I talk or that you actually want to know more and ask just the right questions.
I know there are a million more things we still need to go through. Your kids and mine will each have their own struggles and challenges and we will need to hang on to each other for sanity and peacefulness. Our respective families. Finances. Decisions. Health. Careers. All of them intimidating. But if you will just hold my hand. I think we'll be fine.
I will love you always. Promise.
Imagine a relationship....starts out precariously. Not too bad, not that great. But the parties stay involved, at least for now, for lack of anything better to do. Along the way, little red flags pop up, but both parties silently agree to ignore them, time and time again. The reddish flags become irritants - things of real substance, but at that point they stay, for the times that aren't irritants.
And then a bad thing happens. Or maybe not "bad" but big enough to cause real hinderances inside you. You rationalize, you've got quite a bit invested to turn back now. To leave now would prove you as a large waster of time. You carry on, but the damage has been done. You feel differently and nothing will change that. That little irritant is a tiny thorn you swallow down, scratching its way, leaving tiny scars all the way down. So no matter how healthy and happy you appear on the outside, you have those thorns inside, twisting. Not all the time. But sometimes.
So what has happened here is a functioning "relationship" based on pain. No matter that there are happy times. No matter that sometimes good things happen. The thorns remain. And when you or they or things are at their most vulnerable and you have to hang on to each other, those thorns are there, digging and building resentment.
What happens when you construct a building on a bad foundation? Over time, the base of the building will shift or sink. You will begin to notice cracks in the walls and slopes in the floors. If it gets bad enough windows will break. Eventually even pipes will burst. Finally the building will simply fall apart.
For a while you can patch up the building, fixing things as they break. This is costly in both time and money. In short order the cost of repairs will be more than the cost of laying a good foundation in the first place.
With this in mind, why wouldn't everyone build on a good foundation? There are several reasons. Ignorance is one. They don't know how to create a proper foundation, so they just do the best they can. Or they may know better, but want to avoid the extra expense. Or they may have the know-how and the finances, but they are in a hurry to get the building up, so they decide not to “waste” too much time on the foundation. Then there are people who are just lazy, or they just don't care.
Nick, I want to thank you for sharing this good foundation with me. I've said it so many times I may come off sounding cliche - but I have never felt so free. What we have is an open honest relationship, free from judgement and full of support. Whatever we want to share with each other, we can. Whatever is too painful to share still, we will, eventually, and know that we'll be ok. I don't know what I love more about you - the fact that you listen to me when I talk or that you actually want to know more and ask just the right questions.
I know there are a million more things we still need to go through. Your kids and mine will each have their own struggles and challenges and we will need to hang on to each other for sanity and peacefulness. Our respective families. Finances. Decisions. Health. Careers. All of them intimidating. But if you will just hold my hand. I think we'll be fine.
I will love you always. Promise.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The ties that bind
Nick doesn't know the Marci from before. To sum it up, here is an example. I overheard my mom talking to a friend of hers on the phone about me and she said "Marci's different. If something is bothering her, you will never know. If she's sick, you won't know." Some of my closer friends can testify. They know the me that would never ever ever open up about anything. That I would sooner gauge my eyes out than say something was wrong, than to ask for help. I was always one to listen to others but never one to reveal. I'm not entirely sure why this was. I would like to think it was just because I didn't want to be a burden to others. But deep down, I have to admit I didn't think anyone would really listen. I didn't think they would want to know. To illustrate further, a few years ago I was practically dying with what I later found out was a kidney stone....I drove myself to the emergancy room. Once I was violently ill and fell to the floor. An unnamed person came into the room, walked around me and then left the room. Nice huh?
Today, he might say that I am the emotional one, the expressive one. Bubbling over when I am happy, falling apart when I am sad. But I can say this with absolute certainty: He is the one who brings the level of intimacy we have. He has shaped us, he knows me, probably better than I know myself. I think (know) he is the only one to know me better than anyone else.
I remember one date in particular. I was having the shitiest week and I basically asked him out, invited myself over. I was, in my way, asking him to make me feel better (as I often do). I told him about my troubles over dinner....but was unable to shake the moodiness. I pouted over having thrown myself at him. I resented inviting myself over. I am a brat sometimes. Two days later, he called me and asked me what was wrong. This is a heroic move. A man. Calling a woman. And asking her what was wrong. I have to admire his guts. I told him everything I had been feeling. He listened. Without audibly gagging.
Later, if he read my (other) blogs and if it sounded like I was out of sorts, he would call and ask what was wrong. Even when I don't feel like talking about anything, he reaches into where it can't be too pleasant to venture and pulls me out. I am not exaggerating when I say no one else has done that. I hope he knows that I wish to be there for him, too. That I want to be his anchor, his safe harbor.
He is the strong silent type. He is what I always wanted and, too, is still becoming what I need him to be. He may appear distant sometimes, but as elusive as Batman can be, hiding in his cave somewhere, he comes to my rescue everytime.
Today, I smiled to myself a couple of times over some sweet words from last night. I was floating on air, remembering his loving words. But besides that, I just have to say that he has this hold on me....and it just keeps getting tighter. A couple of weekends ago, I was thinking I would love some ice cream. He said "how about some ice cream?". True love, right?
Maybe the intimacy is what we feel when we are around each other, not even talking, but still connected. Maybe it's when we are hundreds of miles away from each other, and still feel each others presence as if it were a piece of ourselves.
Maybe it's because sometimes I cannot tell where I end and he begins. And really, I don't want to know.
Today, he might say that I am the emotional one, the expressive one. Bubbling over when I am happy, falling apart when I am sad. But I can say this with absolute certainty: He is the one who brings the level of intimacy we have. He has shaped us, he knows me, probably better than I know myself. I think (know) he is the only one to know me better than anyone else.
I remember one date in particular. I was having the shitiest week and I basically asked him out, invited myself over. I was, in my way, asking him to make me feel better (as I often do). I told him about my troubles over dinner....but was unable to shake the moodiness. I pouted over having thrown myself at him. I resented inviting myself over. I am a brat sometimes. Two days later, he called me and asked me what was wrong. This is a heroic move. A man. Calling a woman. And asking her what was wrong. I have to admire his guts. I told him everything I had been feeling. He listened. Without audibly gagging.
Later, if he read my (other) blogs and if it sounded like I was out of sorts, he would call and ask what was wrong. Even when I don't feel like talking about anything, he reaches into where it can't be too pleasant to venture and pulls me out. I am not exaggerating when I say no one else has done that. I hope he knows that I wish to be there for him, too. That I want to be his anchor, his safe harbor.
He is the strong silent type. He is what I always wanted and, too, is still becoming what I need him to be. He may appear distant sometimes, but as elusive as Batman can be, hiding in his cave somewhere, he comes to my rescue everytime.
Today, I smiled to myself a couple of times over some sweet words from last night. I was floating on air, remembering his loving words. But besides that, I just have to say that he has this hold on me....and it just keeps getting tighter. A couple of weekends ago, I was thinking I would love some ice cream. He said "how about some ice cream?". True love, right?
Maybe the intimacy is what we feel when we are around each other, not even talking, but still connected. Maybe it's when we are hundreds of miles away from each other, and still feel each others presence as if it were a piece of ourselves.
Maybe it's because sometimes I cannot tell where I end and he begins. And really, I don't want to know.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
When you're not here.....
When I start feeling "restless" without mi amor around, I lay in bed and remember some of my most favorite moments with you....
Most recently was when you came back into town and texted me "I want to be inside you in ten minutes". Do you know hard it is to grab everything and drive home at 80 miles an hour when I was so wet??? I could barely walk out of the office I was so horny for you.
Even before we ever had sex, you could make me ache for you. Remember at the movie when I wore a skirt? I really wasn't trying anything, I was just rubbing your leg when you took my hand and put it on your hard dick.....I know you don't believe me but I was so surprised. It was our fourth date and I had no idea what you might feel like down there. When I felt the firmness and the size of it, I felt my insides melt with desire. To top it off, you slipped your hand in my skirt and your fingers rubbed me so sweetly. I had to tighten my mouth to keep from moaning outloud. Your fingers just kept rubbing and rubbing my clit....I arched my back and leaned my head back because I wanted to feel you as much as possible. I don't think I watched any of the last 30 minutes of the movie. If I could have gathered my senses, I would have gone down on you right then and there. As a matter of fact, I think we should definitely plan for that soon.
After that, I tried to get you in the back of my Jeep...."my seats lay down....". You said, "I think the back seat of my truck is bigger". I said "Let's see".
Do you remember what we did? I remember you took my panties off and I straddled you, kissing your lips. I ran my fingers around your face, tracing your eyes and cheeks...I was trying to put the curves of your face in my memory. I traced your lips with my fingers. Inside I was dying with wanting you. I guess you lost patience with me and grabbed my neck and pulled my neck to you, crushing my lips with yours. I could feel your teeth with my tongue.
We couldn't do it, so I just went down, I put you in my mouth. I loved the taste of you and tried to shove it all down my throat. You slipped your hand back up my skirt....do you remember? You were massaging my ass so softly. I wished you would just shove your hand inside....
I honestly just remembered this - I was so crazy with wanting you, I touched myself til I came, right there in your truck. Later, I wondered if you weren't bored at that point.
I drove home without my panties. Before I went to sleep, I touched myself again, thinking about how you felt in my hand, in my mouth.
I still yearn for you, just as much.
Most recently was when you came back into town and texted me "I want to be inside you in ten minutes". Do you know hard it is to grab everything and drive home at 80 miles an hour when I was so wet??? I could barely walk out of the office I was so horny for you.
Even before we ever had sex, you could make me ache for you. Remember at the movie when I wore a skirt? I really wasn't trying anything, I was just rubbing your leg when you took my hand and put it on your hard dick.....I know you don't believe me but I was so surprised. It was our fourth date and I had no idea what you might feel like down there. When I felt the firmness and the size of it, I felt my insides melt with desire. To top it off, you slipped your hand in my skirt and your fingers rubbed me so sweetly. I had to tighten my mouth to keep from moaning outloud. Your fingers just kept rubbing and rubbing my clit....I arched my back and leaned my head back because I wanted to feel you as much as possible. I don't think I watched any of the last 30 minutes of the movie. If I could have gathered my senses, I would have gone down on you right then and there. As a matter of fact, I think we should definitely plan for that soon.
After that, I tried to get you in the back of my Jeep...."my seats lay down....". You said, "I think the back seat of my truck is bigger". I said "Let's see".
Do you remember what we did? I remember you took my panties off and I straddled you, kissing your lips. I ran my fingers around your face, tracing your eyes and cheeks...I was trying to put the curves of your face in my memory. I traced your lips with my fingers. Inside I was dying with wanting you. I guess you lost patience with me and grabbed my neck and pulled my neck to you, crushing my lips with yours. I could feel your teeth with my tongue.
We couldn't do it, so I just went down, I put you in my mouth. I loved the taste of you and tried to shove it all down my throat. You slipped your hand back up my skirt....do you remember? You were massaging my ass so softly. I wished you would just shove your hand inside....
I honestly just remembered this - I was so crazy with wanting you, I touched myself til I came, right there in your truck. Later, I wondered if you weren't bored at that point.
I drove home without my panties. Before I went to sleep, I touched myself again, thinking about how you felt in my hand, in my mouth.
I still yearn for you, just as much.
Dreaming in Tongues
Querido,
La otra noche, antes de dormir, estaba pensando en ti. De repente empese soñar en Espanol. Era tu y yo. Me estabas carisando mi cuerpo, hablando en una voz tan baja, en mi oido. Ni se le que me estabas diciendo, nadamas que lo dijiste en Espanol, con amor y carino.
No paso nada, no mas era un momento sensual entre los dos....un momento en tus brazos. No se porque soñé en Espanol, pero tengo un idea. Cuando era muy chiquita, no entendia el Ingles. Solamente hablaba Espanol. Creo que el amor de nosotros me ha llevado a un momento de renacer....como estar contigo, me reducas a los instintos mas basicos. Me siento como una niña enamorada.
La otra noche, antes de dormir, estaba pensando en ti. De repente empese soñar en Espanol. Era tu y yo. Me estabas carisando mi cuerpo, hablando en una voz tan baja, en mi oido. Ni se le que me estabas diciendo, nadamas que lo dijiste en Espanol, con amor y carino.
No paso nada, no mas era un momento sensual entre los dos....un momento en tus brazos. No se porque soñé en Espanol, pero tengo un idea. Cuando era muy chiquita, no entendia el Ingles. Solamente hablaba Espanol. Creo que el amor de nosotros me ha llevado a un momento de renacer....como estar contigo, me reducas a los instintos mas basicos. Me siento como una niña enamorada.
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