Spellbound

Of all of our intimacies, I would have to say that laying in Nick's embrace is my favorite. (Even over sex!!) Sometimes when he rolls over to hug me (and by hug I mean Smother), he buries his face in my neck and hair and says "....witch". Nick can say anything and make it sound blase. He can take something that would otherwise make someone uncomfortable and ask or say it in a way like "pass the salt". So I don't always know when he is teasing, and I can't tell exactly what he is thinking when he says something. But this, I like to hold close to my heart. I choose to believe that he means he as enamored as I am, that he is blinded with affection for me.

I'm not a witch but I do like to use my powers of persuasion. I told Nick the other night that I never had to think of a word or phrase for it before. I've never told anyone. Never had to, I guess. I dodged the question of religion, etc, when we were dating as long as possible. I didn't want to scare him off with anything that he might think is new age-y.

Ever since I was a kid, I practiced doing and knowing things. I remember laying in bed, concentrating for hours, it seems, trying to "listen" to my mom. I tried to tune in to her. Lots of times, I could hear her before she came. After I got that down, I moved on to other people. After that, I tried to see where people were. I had a guy that I had a crush on that I concentrated on more than anyone else. Once, I asked him if he was outside at a certain point, the night before. I gave him detail (can't remember now what) and he was pretty surprised. Afterwards, it was a game. He would want to know what I "knew", I would tell him fragments and he would freak out. Sometimes it was guessing, Sometimes I had no idea what he was doing. Sometimes I just knew things. Much later, I was dating this guy and once he told me that I always seemed to call when he was jerking off. (I don't think this was easy for him to tell me, but he thought it was pretty weird) So after that, it, too became a game. He called me "Rosie" after that. For rosy palms. There are more stories that I don't care to share. No big deal. There are also some weirder stories, little things that happened to others whenever I felt mad or upset with them. Could be coincidence. Who knows. \

Anyway!

When I met Nick, I was so desperate sometimes to hear from him. He is not as social as I am, so he didn't call me near as much as I might have liked. So, sometimes, I would harness all my energy and get to thinking him into calling me or whatever. Lots of times, it worked. I would write out details of how he would call, what we would do that evening. But more often that not, he seemed resistant to me. He did what he wanted, when he wanted. Lots of times, I would wish that he would like me as much as I liked him. I probably would have done anything to get him to pay attention to me. I was tempted.
But, in the end, I decided that I only wanted him if he wanted me genuinely, not any other way. (Not that it would have worked anyway).

 

So, sometimes I just reply "If anyone is bewitched, its me". And sometimes, I just let him call me a witch and wonder if it isn't our hearts that create this magic.